Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Here Come The Sun

It’s a shadowy day for me. The damp atmosphere from the cold raining day with no glare today. Wondering....the question “why?” keeps walking all the way through my mind. “Why...why do I exist to this malicious world?”,“ Why me?”, “Why here?”,”Why them?”......”Why....?”

Back to couple of hours before, the day just great. Wake up at midday with this miserable hair and have a walk to the bathroom. Watch my face; patch up this hair and straight to the dining hall. Walking downs the stairs; whistling ‘Here Come The Sun’ by The Beatles... plan for a beautiful day today.

Well everything that we’ve plans not always come and hold together. I still remember every single heart-scattered word that my chum says when we have lunch together. I don’t care about what he about to say in the first place, because he already gave a “blinking red light” as a sign of warning and I might feel a sting to my heart.

After hearing his words about someone, just like a lightning strike hardly on me. Stop for a moment; just take a deep lungful of air. Not working for me. My hands feel like to beat something hard because my hearts undergo very dreadful experience. I’m not round the bend to my friend, just uncomfortable with the news that he delivers.

I just keep myself serene, remember to the One. Decide to ride my motorbike and have a stop near the beach, to clear my forget remember nothing. 130km/h....ride the motorbike swiftly at the hectic traffic, ignore my own life...a couple of tears shed through my cheek and just hope my friend that ride with me doesn’t noticed it.

At the beach, we just settle down, have a rest and feel the brittleness of the sand at our feet. I reach my mobile phone on my jean’s pocket and start to cross out some “unfavourable memory”. While try to calm myself with the breeze, my view focus on three kids playing near the shore. They remind me about my nieces that always light-up my day. These kids just happen to lessen my sombreness.

After hanging at the beach, I return to my college. I can’t stop the adrenaline, to heart-rending. My closet just has to strength-up and turns into a punching bag. Keep beating the closet until I can’t feel my right hand, have a look...and my hand already bleeding in red. Tears start to accompany me.

The history come through my mind, I remember my fellow friends that I have here. Well now on they don’t seem to be one. Just an oath to myself, “I give 3 chances to my friends”. Last time, they used 2 of the chances and continue wasting it. Now they are out of it. I had enough. Suppose a friend take care our feeling and do nothing worst. I’m tired being someone else, pretend to be someone who not me. I’m not a good nor bright person back in the past...

Done with the past, with “these” conditions, I head to the bathroom and have a long shower to cool myself down. Facing my own Achilles’ heel, can’t control my temper. The point in time on my pc is already 1 in the morning and it is Sunday 8th of March.

I just hope when I lay down on my bed, I able to close my eyes and dead to the world. Able to forget everything that I’ve been through...stop thinking about my friends...disregard about someone. But the words of someone that always beside me on the times of yore running in my mind. “Forgive is a noble thing to do” she told me. Oh yes!...forgive, the only word that kill a man’s ego. I forgive them...I forgive......I forgive everyone... I don’t know why I wrote this and post on my blog. This could be the last of....